So it really is quite painful, keeping in all the things I feel shouldn’t be let out. I know my nature is to fight. The funny part is that I don’t actually like to fight. I don’t like to argue; I don’t like to be in conflict. I don’t like to stand too near the fire or let roots grow too deeply; I like to keep my options open and my mind as well. But somehow I ended up with this thing on my back that doesn’t just let me roll over and die. This thing has opinions and feels deeply and has strong urges to speak without waiting to be spoken to and often uses foul language. Once in awhile this thing might let me roll over and play dead, but that’s just because I’d rather play dead than draw a line in the sand and dare someone to cross it. Because that also means that I’ve got to stand on one side of the line, and frankly choosing sides seems like such a big freaking commitment. I’m way more afraid of commitment than I am of standing.
I’m all the wrong sort of girl. But at least I wrote something today.