I’m a Cat Person

Some people are dog people.  Some people are cat people.  Some people are kid people.

Some of the things I value most in this world are good conversation, quiet time to reflect on or prepare for good conversation, silence to engage myself in internal conversation and moments without any sort of urgent need for conversation.  To summarize, I really like silence and conversation.

I am fully aware that when I talk about my children I sound hateful and resentful.  I think maybe I have finally discovered why I have such a hard time being a “good mother” to them:  they really do nothing to fit with these things I value.


Maybe you would say that one day I will miss the chaos joy that small children bring to a home.  I would say you are wrong, because my personality does not lend itself to enjoying chaos.  But maybe I’ll just let you know when I’m on that side of parenting.

Maybe you would say that small children are delightfully engaging and provide no shortage of conversation.  I would say you are wrong, that these tiny people provide no shortage of sound that eventually ends with the statement of a need.

Maybe you would say other things, but I’d probably argue.  I love my babies.  I know I will miss their smallness and their loveliness and their squishiness and everything about them at this age (except the noise).  But I think what I really want is to get on discovering who they are, to help them find out what it is they want, what they dream about, what they value.  I want them to be conversation partners.  But I will have to wait a little longer.

  1. Bekah said:

    I love you. I often feel this way about Liv. I spend every day wrapped up in this internal struggle. On one hand, I desperately need for her to grow up, to stop being so needy, so noisy, so internally driven. On the other hand, I am terrified of how much I’m going to miss her smallness, her snuggliness, her tiny-person-joys when she is all grown up. How does one find a balance between enjoying their children while they are children, and waiting for them to grow into themselves?

    Also, I am not a dog person, not a cat person, not a kid person…so why do I have all three living in my house? It’s no wonder I’m driven half-mad on a daily basis. :)

  2. sherilin said:

    i have friends who crave babies. who can’t resist the urge to touch & long for any soft, squishy little baby they see, but i don’t feel that way at all. they’re very sweet, i like them, but i don’t need, desire or crave another. i’ve fully enjoyed each phase of brooke’s life so far, but i never look back & wish for needier times. thank God she can carry on a conversation & clean her own butt now!

  3. Grace said:

    Finally! We women who don’t gush over babies have a voice!
    I’ve fallen madly in love with each of MY babies, but I don’t pine for anyone else’s, nor do I wish for their younger baby days either. Right now I’m having a hard time not wanting to rush the youngest to independence. Mine range from 1 to 14 now. I can say that each stage has it’s own charm and angst. A wise woman once told me that little children have little problems, and bigger children have bigger problems. This seems to be true…as much as I couldn’t imagine bigger problems when all my children were under 6. But…with the bigger problems comes the opportunity for real, deep conversation with these kids. At least when their pride and surliness don’t get in the way. ;)

    Along with silence and conversation, I think we should add order. At least some. I’m by no means housekeeper-of-the-year, but orderliness makes me feel more at rest. And it’s impossible to maintain in my house.

    I had to laugh tonight, thinking about your blog, when the noise level around our dinner table broke some kind of record. And no one was even fighting! Scott pondered the other day about how they say being exposed to high levels of noise can damage your hearing over time….And we have to wonder what could be happening to us! hahaha Then we celebrated a birthday tonight, and achieved pure pandemonium. Chaos is not my cup of tea either.

    And regarding discovering your kids’ design….Did you see Arthur’s blog post I linked to on fb? Good clues to start figuring that out….

  4. Mama said:

    I can remember my mother practically pulling her hair out and yelling at my brother, my sister and myself,. . . . “I just want some peace and quiet!!!” When I was young, I never understood what she meant. Then I reproduced these cute little noise makers of my own. And I discovered my children were wonderful beyond belief, as I secretly wished for a little peace and quiet . . . and a bit of lasting order. I now have the peace and quiet and enjoy occasional bursts of chaos, like Thanksgiving week :o)

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