Some people are dog people. Some people are cat people. Some people are kid people.
Some of the things I value most in this world are good conversation, quiet time to reflect on or prepare for good conversation, silence to engage myself in internal conversation and moments without any sort of urgent need for conversation. To summarize, I really like silence and conversation.
I am fully aware that when I talk about my children I sound hateful and resentful. I think maybe I have finally discovered why I have such a hard time being a “good mother” to them: they really do nothing to fit with these things I value.
Maybe you would say that one day I will miss the
chaos joy that small children bring to a home. I would say you are wrong, because my personality does not lend itself to enjoying chaos. But maybe I’ll just let you know when I’m on that side of parenting.
Maybe you would say that small children are delightfully engaging and provide no shortage of conversation. I would say you are wrong, that these tiny people provide no shortage of sound that eventually ends with the statement of a need.
Maybe you would say other things, but I’d probably argue. I love my babies. I know I will miss their smallness and their loveliness and their squishiness and everything about them at this age (except the noise). But I think what I really want is to get on discovering who they are, to help them find out what it is they want, what they dream about, what they value. I want them to be conversation partners. But I will have to wait a little longer.