So much to say, so little reason to say it.
It seems like just yesterday I killed my cat.
Since then, we’ve had a few birthdays (Atticus turned 2 and Grey hit the big 0-4) and some out of town company. I finished Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and decided to take a break from the series by reading Evolving in Monkey Town by Rachel Held Evans (it was pretty much the perfect book at the perfect time). I spent at least 60 hours painting baseboards and trim at my Old Dirty House (as Grey calls it…though it’s quickly becoming the Old Cleanish House). I went back to work and then we moved into the ODH (which really, really helped with my looking for the cat every day). I intended my school application for next fall (2011), but was accepted and admitted to the program for this term. (!!) So I start Composition Theory next week. I have taken up a new hobby: whiskey. I’ve been sampling different brands and I know very slightly more now than I did before. My marathon training has also kicked into a higher gear, and I’ve been running miles in the teens–once an impossible dream, now a painful reality. And if it’s possible, I’ve become an even bigger fan of HOH (House of Heroes, not head of household, you silly goose).
The school thing is weird. I have a friend whose daughter left yesterday for college across the country. I’m remembering that exact moment when my parents drove away from my freshman dorm, 7 hours from home, my mom trying her darndest to keep smiling, my own throat so tight from a mixture of fear and relief. And then I turned around and the cutest boy named Ryan was sitting in the dorm lobby and immediately became my crush du jour.
Back then nobody had cell phones or laptops; everything was done on paper and you talked to actual, real-life people to get anything figured out. I feel like a dinosaur at 30, trying to find out what the course textbooks are without coming right out and admitting that I’m totally weirded out by this process. My pal Ashley, also a UTC grad student, told me that I could find all this stuff on the school website, so I got the names of the books online, ordered them from half.com, giggled when they came in the mail, and secretly liked how “simple” it all was (but more secretly mourned the passing of an era). How can I be pursuing a degree in Composition and Rhetorical Studies, with hopes to really get into studying the dirty world of interpersonal communication when we’re giving our brains over to the machines?
I’ve had so many thoughts for this site, but have been either too scattered or too busy or too heavy-hearted to write. Or I just felt like what I had to say was inappropriate for public viewing. Inappropriate because it would be tasteless to write, not because the nature of what I have been thinking about is unusually tacky. I’ve given myself gut check after gut check, remembering that though the pen is mightier than the sword, I’m not in the business of wielding weapons either way.
Feeling So Far Away.
I’ve thought of loads of blog titles in the meantime, some of which I may actually get around to fleshing out into posts. I have no idea when, friends. Between this house that is still half un-live-able (the comfortable half . . . the half where my awesome gold sofa should be), and the many other draws on my time (like cleaning between the crevices of my keyboard and drawing letter charts for Grey), I know the posts will be sporadic at best. But hopefully they’ll come with some excellent and thoughtful material. Or at least a good dose of humor.