24 hours

I rank things. Until now I’ve kept that a secret. (No, it’s not like “Top 5 funniest movies of the 90’s” or “Top 3 most awesome bands you listened to in high school” or anything.)

I rank silly things like bearability of errands when accompanied by children (anything that includes getting out of the car, waiting in line, more than 34 seconds of adult interaction and no shopping carts to keep Mr. Runs Away corralled–read: The Post Office–is pretty low on the list). High on the list: grocery shopping (no interaction with others required, plus the cart and, if timed correctly, short lines) and going to the bank (never having to get out of my car, plus two lime suckers that I hide in my car door for later . . . those bank ladies sure love me kids).

I rank the things that make me laugh (too long for an explanation; suffice it to say that I told Grey we don’t like Sponge Bob because it is lowbrow, even though I don’t like it because it is set under water and always makes me feel nervous like I’m not getting enough air and the characters all have insanely irritating voices).

I rank words. Grey also asked me today if “shit” is a bad word. I said No, “shit” is an adult word that you may not use until you’re older (PS, I’m stopping swearing and haven’t used “shit” in awhile, but she’s got a good memory). Along with adult words, I would say some words are socially inappropriate because of a change in cultural meaning (nigger), while other words are not used because people may be afraid to use them (bomb threat, Voldemort, nigger).

I rank my days. Bad days: no one in my family dies but only because I let them keep breathing (read: I didn’t kill anyone); OK days: I even got the house sorta clean while not killing anyone; Good days: bathrooms-check, floors-check, dishes-check, a hot meal that’s not eggs-check, no one’s dead-check; Great days: this past Monday.

Monday 9am-Tuesday 9am : 24 hours in numbers

5 : 6 : 0       Five kids for six hours of awesome; zero of them killed by me
1                  One dead chipmunk
1 : 1            One pot of green tea; one pot of black
1                 One great conversation with Mama
6                 Six loads of laundry washed, dried, folded, put away
3                 Three homemade-from-scratch meals (OK, one of those was eggs)
2                 Two batches of homemade-from-freshly-ground-wheat bread
2 : 2 : 2     Two bloody noses (not mine), twice did not pass out (victory!), two bloody rags drying on my patio
1                  One time refered to a child as “Baby Puppy” instead of his real name
4 : 2           Four ISPs QA’d during quiet time (two movies to keep them happy)
8                 At least eight blog posts by Rachel Held Evans read
2 : 2            Two door frames sanded in two hours
1                  One “That’s what she said” comment
2                  Only two swears (marked improvement)
3                  Three slightly off-color texts exchanged
2.5              Two-and-a-half meaningful conversations about the misrepresentation of so-called “Biblical womanhood” and it’s direct affect on my life and it’s greater implications for women in the Church as a whole
3 : 1             Three showers, one bath (there was a lot of sawdust and sweat in these 24 hours)
4                  Four ounces of cabernet
5                  Five chapters of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets read (not my favorite in the series; trying to finish it quickly)
2 : 0            Two sweet cherubs sleeping cockeyed in their beds; zero thoughts of running away from them all day long
7                  Seven hours of nearly peaceful sleep
5.5 : 57 : 74 : (1)  Five-and-a-half miles in fifty-seven minutes in the seventy-four degree morning (one dead frog on the path)
?                   Innumerable kisses, hugs and I love yous

Yes, a good day, this Monday.