Strangely Silent

I usually have this running commentary in my head.  The commentary is just my inner self making zany, off-color remarks about any old thing and often prompts me to smile widely at nothing, eliciting curious looks from passers-by.  These days, the voices are silent.  Which is a total bummer because I really like laughing at my own humor (because so few other people get it) and the constant inner dialogue is generally where I write from.  So no laughing wickedly to myself in public and no narcissistic posts (I guess this may count after all).

Mental. Block.

Not really, though.  I have tons to write about, but I just don’t want to.  The things I have to say right now are incredibly polarizing and even a smidge unfair.  I prefer to write about myself because I don’t know much about anything else.  As much as I want to write about other things, I just don’t feel like what I have to say is balanced.  And it wouldn’t be fair to write my opinion, even though this is a blog based solely on my own thoughts, opinions, experiences and perspective, without giving a voice to the other side.

Vague much?  I’d like to tell you I’m an open book, but I most often play close to the chest.  Until I work through this brooding phase, I have a feeling the voices will stay quiet.

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5 comments
  1. Ryan said:

    I know exactly what you mean. My friends (and even my wife) have described me as an extremely guarded person; I highly doubt I could ever be described as an “open book.”

    I also usually have a running commentary in my head as well, but I guess most people do. How interesting would it be if those commentaries weren’t quite so private? If they could be accessed like the commentary track on a DVD? What would we find out about the people we know (or think we know)?

    Now I’m going to be thinking about that all day. I have thoughts constantly going through my head about myself and about other people. But what is going through the minds of those other people?

  2. alltheseblessedthings said:

    Did you see “The Invention of Lying” with Ricky Gervais? Your thought about the accessible commentary made me think of that movie. It’s good that we have the ability to edit somewhere between our brains and our mouths (fingers).

    Right now there’s a battle between my commentary and the editing filter that I can’t drop. It’s making me crazy, and I’m about to pitch the edit right through the window.

  3. Ryan said:

    Ah, yes I did. Michelle and I saw it the weekend it came out. I love Ricky Gervais. The movie had its pros and cons, but I still love him.

    Some people can live without an edit button. I have a kind of admiration for those people. I am just not one of them . . . at all. I even do the cliched movie thing of practicing big (and even small) conversations with a mirror or just by myself in the car. I probably look nuts, but I have to, since I’m horrible at improvisation.

    Here’s how I look at it: an edit filter is just like any other kind of filter. Eventually, it reaches its capacity and it has to be cleaned or replaced. Unfortunately, the politically-correct, don’t-want-to-hurt-anyone’s-feelings filter can’t just be replaced. I like to think that when someone blows up for no real reason at all, their filter is just at capacity, and that’s their way of clearing their system. Works for me, too. It’s just rather unfortunate for those who happen to be around me at the time.

  4. Bridget said:

    Aw, come on. Just let it out there. :) You’ll get lot’s of fun responses. It’ll be good for you.

  5. Ilona said:

    I’m with Bridget- let it out there. It is your blog, and you have a unique voice. You don’t have to be fair and balanced…if you are not, you are not. With comments open you always have the possibility of the other side getting expressed, if balance is what interests you;)

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